Have you ever heard someone use the expression 'Nothing seems to shock me anymore'? I have, because I have caught myself saying it on a number of occasions only to be inevitably proved wrong. I must have said it recently because this week a couple of incidents rendered me either speechless and mortified. One of the incidents involved the most gripping television programmes I have seen in as long as I can remember (recommended by a friend and client) and the other was something another friend and client told me during a session.
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| WATCH THIS! |
The first is a programme available to stream on Netflix called 'Making a Murder' which if you are not aware of it already is the story of a man who having served seventeen years for a crime he did not commit, finds himself arrested for another murder he is accused of committing after being released following the original conviction being quashed.
It starts slow but boy you need to stick with it because what unravels is not only what I think is the most compelling documentary I can ever remember seeing, but a horrific account of coercion and mental manipulation of vulnerable people (and a frightening glimpse of how people in power can wilfully corrupt and hurt others).
I wont spoil it for you as I urge you to watch it, but the first four episodes have had myself and Mrs. E gobsmacked, mortified and stunned into silence at the things people, entrusted with the wellbeing and safety of others, can do.
The second thing to stun me was something that a friend told me when she visited me in my office to ask with help on how she had been feeling recently. What I was told was something that I had heard plenty of anecdotal stories about (especially in the States) and heard happening to a lesser degree over here in the UK but still left me shocked nevertheless.
When clients come to me for help I always make a point of asking about their history, including any history or previous therapy work such as prior hypnosis experience, counselling etc. and in my friends case she responded that she had been in therapy (seeing a counsellor) 'for years', or words to that effect. When I asked her what she meant by years she replied 'about ten'. TEN YEARS! Ten years of counselling and from what I can gather counselling that was consistent and regular too.
I didn't hide the fact that I was both blown away and disgusted by it in equal measure.
I asked her at what point did she think that there was no progress being made and that it wasn't helping and she replied that she had asked both herself and the therapist the same question and the therapists response to her was that 'some people have therapy their whole lives'. What a load of bollocks. The only people who spend their whole lives in therapy are the ones with
shit or
manipulative therapists (there are also people who like the stigma but not in my friends case). The fact that her therapist told her that some people have therapy their whole lives (a powerful and dangerous waking suggestion) tells me she falls slack bang into the latter category.
Now my friend is a very intelligent woman and a thoughtful person, but a curse of intelligence can be overthinking and (now I am talking from personal experience) if you are not thinking or focusing in the right way when you do, you can create unnecessary anxiety and stress in your life. The curse of being thoughtful is that sometimes you don't give enough focus to your own needs. In a nutshell that is what I think my friends issues are and the main causes for her anxiety and as simplistic as the prognosis of her issues is, so to is the way to address them.
I have no doubt in my mind and happy to argue the case with anyone that not only did her therapist not help her (though I have no doubt she was led to believe she was improving, albeit slowly), she more than likely exacerbated the problems and conditioned her to use cognitive programmes that resulted in her either automatically psychoanalysing herself at every turn or using labels and constructs that had been drummed into her over years of therapy.
I do not think for one minute my friend encouraged the relationship but was rather trusting enough to accept it. Like I say she is a very kind person and I have no doubt, if you asked her friends, a selfless and considerate friend too. She has just never been encouraged to accept it and has therefore always run off of a low level of self esteem, I can help her change that by showing her that
people always have a choice and by giving her a number of simple and easy tools to put that choice into action and shift her feelings and emotions at will. By
expressing gratitude and acknowledging your own qualities, most people can start the process of taking control and begin the process of nourishing ones own self esteem.
She is now the gatekeeper of her confidence as it grows and she is not allowed to focus on things or use language that is detrimental to her positivity.
When you focus on good things and the positive intentions and meanings attached to them, you can teach yourself very quickly to reframe negative events in a positive way.
With most of my clients I would slip them into a good level of hypnosis and let them lead me to the cause of their issues, but in my friends case I think a) she's super smart, certainly smart enough to get the approaches suggested, take the techniques and run with them b) so conditioned is she to psychoanalyse herself, we may have had a conflicting session. Either way as she sat there my main objective is, as it is with any client, to see what can I do to help her as quickly, easily and permanently as possible.
What the $%&^ her previous therapist was doing is anyones guess, but I am confident of two things, she was acting in her own interests AND knows she's crap to boot.
I'm not against anyone making money, I am not against anyone making shitloads of money, but I am against people who exploit and damage others to do so. Funnily enough my friend persistently tried to give me more than I asked her for at the end of the session, but the truth is because she's a good person and I know that in recent years she has run marathons and half marathons to raise a not inconsiderable amount of money to fight cancer, she was helping me by giving me the opportunity to help a good person who deserves it.
If she continues to use the simple exercises we talked about, I know one day she's going to realise she thoroughly deserves it too!
When people in positions of influence or authority abuse that trust either to preserve or further their position, there is always someone that is impacted negatively. Whether you are part of the law enforcement and judicial system in the USA or a therapist entrusted with the welfare of a client, if you are in it just for yourself you are in the wrong job. Manipulation is worse than negligence and both things that shocked me this week were in my opinion unforgivable manipulation.
Manipulation of those in need should never be tolerated.
