The importance of commitment

Sep 15, 2015 

I deal with an incredibly broad spectrum of people - ranging from executives and CEO's who come to me for coaching, stress management or often both, to helping someone lose weight or overcome their fear of spiders. Whoever the client and whatever their presenting issue is, there is always two things I ask of all of them; trust and commitment. 

Trust that they both trust in me and in the process and commitment that they will do their part in being successful. It may come as a surprise how many people attend a session with doubts and low expectations of success (often because hypnotherapy has been the last port of call - the last in a number of attempts to overcome the issue unfortunately) and it's my job to genuinely convince them otherwise. The reason the likes of myself and other successful therapists and coaches generally do not guarantee a clients success is because we cannot completely control the level of commitment a client is prepared to give to the process. 

Client commitment can range from simply accepting suggestions, being honest, adopting a mindset, completing a journal or exercises between sessions, to making specific lifestyle or behavioural adjustments.

If we perceive resistance or an attempt of refutation from the client in the office or therapy room we can often challenge or address it there and then and explore their reasons why.

But I also consider a lack of commitment to be a multi-faceted thing. A client may lack commitment because of one or many of the aforementioned reasons, they may lack commitment because they either personally think they know best (see above) or are dissuaded from doing what has been asked by others. Another instance may be when a client may prioritise the needs of others ahead of their own, both genuinely or as a reason not to follow through, often when a secondary gain is at play and there is an inner resistance to what is being asked of the client. 

Secondary gain is an obstacle that all therapists and coaches will encounter. Having an issue or ‘their’ issue can often fulfil a clients primary human needs and they will both consciously and subconsciously resist change if it is perceived as a challenge to that need being met. Some will dismiss change completely if they see it as a threat to an identity they have created. 

Let us explore a few of the situations where client commitment may be an issue.

Case One. A client comes to you having previously seen one or multiple counsellors and therapists. They dismiss these previous encounters as ineffective and often then give their reasons why; the therapist was no good, the setting was no good, they know whats wrong with themselves more than the therapist, the work they gave them to do was pointless, external elements interfered etc., etc. Now some of these reasons may or may not be valid and at that stage one cannot make too many assumptions, but more digging is needed to find out why.

We can ask them to expand on what they felt went wrong, what the work had entailed and so on and very soon you will get a clear picture of the client’s model of the world and their beliefs, from which you can then begin to assume more. A client may have subconsciously resisted not because their previous coach or counsellor was bad, but because they were actually good. Subconsciously we are programmed to gravitate towards and seek familiarity (even in unhealthy places) and sometimes good work can take a client temporarily out of their comfort zone. At this point a client may refuse to commit further. 

Case Two. A client comes to you and tells you what is wrong with them. During the consultation you may suggest alternatives or offer up solutions and you notice a shift in a clients demeanour. Some do genuinely take exception if you haven’t empathised enough or imply that their problem can be resolved with relative ease. They will see it as a form of challenge to them, they may feel undermined. What happens in that session and any subsequent sessions (there may not be!) will then be correlated to how much they will allow themselves to commit. 

Case Three.  A receptive client has a good session and is engaged and committed when they leave you. However outside of the office or therapy room other ‘players’ in their life exert their needs on the client or undermine them to the extent that they either forego the time and commitment they intended to set aside for things such as keeping journals, self hypnosis etc., or they self sabotage and do not follow through.

These are just a few examples of situations a therapist or coach will encounter. They will also encounter multiple variants and deviations of the above where a client potentially will not commit unless handled correctly. 

So what should one do in this case?

There are three steps to follow as the coach or therapist to maximise the chance of getting that much needed commitment (in my courseswe break these three down into further subsets). For the coach, counsellor or hypnotherapist at the top of their game experience and reputation alone can sometimes mean achieving these steps and getting that commitment is almost a foregone conclusion. 

These steps are; getting rapport, understanding the clients world and contracting with them.

Getting rapport is a prerequisite to any working relationship. Some people find it easier than others, but the emergence of NLP and the development of social psychology in the last few decades means we understand it’s importance and the ways in which we can achieve it, much more. I teach workshops to individuals and companies on this subject alone, but the cornerstones of rapport for me in this context are empathy and communication.

Rapport is both used as leveraged and naturally increased when we introduce stage two - the broadening of our understanding of the clients world. We need to ask enough questions to have so that we can appreciate (not agree with) the clients belief and values, how they see themselves and the identity they give themselves and others, who those significant others are, how they relate and communicate with them, what their needs are, what they are doing to fulfil those needs, what they are doing to prevent themselves from fulfilling other needs, their representational systems and the limitations to those systems. Taking it further, what they want to achieve, what they have or don’t have to achieve it and what are all of the elements; beliefs, people, situations, circumstances, emotions, ways of thinking that will help or hinder them achieving their goal.

Lastly, with rapport established and a clear map of that persons world now available to us, then we can get the contract of commitment. This contract will take into consideration the obstacles that we have identified, the resources we have identified and the level of rapport that has been established in doing so (how many times will a good operator hear the words to the effect of ‘I can’t believe I just told you that’ etc.). You are then in a position to say to the client - “taking A,B,C and D into consideration and knowing E,F and G, if you commit to X ,Y and Z there is nothing to stop you achieving your goal”. Any hesitation at this stage generally means you have to go back over steps one and two.

As mentioned before you could write a book purely on building rapport, or eliciting information from people and indeed there are a numerous already available on these subjects. I teach both workshops and certification classes on the importance of both. 

The point is if you want to get a commitment and want to maximise your success, thirty minutes of consulting and asking the right questions will make all the difference in securing a positive commitment from your client and more positive testimonials and referrals for your practice.

Lastly, do not be afraid to place the responsibility back on the client if you have done everything to uphold your side of the working relationship but they have failed to commit or still encounter resistance. By all means explore the resistance or objections, but do not waste time pursuing things up a blind alley. 

I am comfortable in either postponing or bringing proceedings to a halt if the client has the wrong attitude or mindset. Success should be just as important to the therapist as it is to the client and the commitment is there that success is likely to follow for both of you.